Tuesday, December 6, 2011


i was an ordinary one in our batch.. had no horns..i never smoked... once in a while.. very rarely.. one beer...

i was simple..
she was also.. thats y i started observing her... journalism was deep in me.. i wanted to do works regarding the latest political crimes .. and wanted to be most known crime reporter.. .. my ambitions and skills even though never matched.. i kept on dreaming about it..

i had no one else in this world.. ya .. can be said as orphan.. but i had sponsors.. i was having good grades from the church school.. may be thats the reason why i never bothered to see humans cry or enjoy.. i was ignoring the fact called emotions..

but she was pretty.. she was as tall as me .. but a little less.. and fair in color,, had a good sense of humour which i found out very lately.. beautifull eyes.. and the rest i dont want to say.. i loved her .. that is enough..

old man laughed .. when he just said the word love..

"y r u laughing.. "
" nothing.. u continue",

" ah.. i never had the guts to come up and speak .. but we exchanged glances all the time.. we smiled .. we communicated through minds.. all my imagination..
one fine morning .. i was walking down the steps.. and some body just touched me.. i looked back and saw RENUKA.. she was also alone and she was giving her beautiful smile... she was pointing to my back .. and tried to take out a paper pinned on my shirt by those beings .. called friends...

she took that paper peice and gave it to me.. even though no body saw that scene.. every should have seen " DUMP " written on my back..she just gave tat to me and tried to flew away.. but i blocked that intension.. " i said a thank you"..

"oh.. come on boy"... cut the crap.. i know the rest of the story.. she might have said an Yes .. and bla bla ... dont be a girl... cut these shits and tell me in a short format" old man yelled at me...

" where are u going.. " i asked
" am a busy person .. am running many business... just by sitting here" he said

"" businees ... and in jail.. " i laughed aloud
"" ok .. dont mind.. so y u killed her"

" look old man i never killed any one" .. " i cant kill her"
" then y did accept everything in the court"
" ha ha ,, when i lost my mind.. when i found myself in a lost situation.. no more reason to live.. "
" you just admitted.. idiot.. do u know who killed her.. and that man is roaming out freely now.." he again yelled at me..

" am not interested in freedom.. when there is no point of living"
" look.. i dont have parents.. or close friends.. i just had a lover .. she got married to a guy.. and i lost her too in that way.. am a looser as a whole.. so better to die.. i thought like that .. "

" you are such an ass hole... you dont know why / what life is.. any how i need you .. i will make u good.. will you follow me.. ?? " now he started asking questions ...

" i will .. but am happy here.. i will help you.. thats all" i said

" ok.. here is the plan .. i will make you come out of this hell.. and rest you will follow.. "
" but why.. y me??" i asked..
" you dont want to live .. right... "
" yes"
" ok i wil help you die"" just help me in some aspects.. after a few period of time.." " you wil be my best".. may be his last words of the day..

the day went on as usual.. work .. breaking hard rocks.. gardening.. kitchen.. etc etc.. jail is so busy .. and am earning also..
old man always held his book with him.. and i always wanted to see whats inside that .. some times my reporter just pops up...

never mind.. i will read that one day...

in between i was called to office ..
there i saw many kaki.. sticks .. guns..
silence prevailed..
dont know why i was called..


Tuesday, November 29, 2011


I couldn't sleep all the night.. darkness prevailled in the cell and tat gave me more visions towards the death room..
i hated darkness.. i hate my life ... i couldnt take my fingers from my neck.. i was feeling the rope all the time .. even though i never came to know the reason why i was not killed .. i wished to hear a reasonable answer for that.. i actually wanted to see the end.. were i can meet my dear ones.. again and again.. and of course i hate rebirths too...
may be am the first person to have given such a last minute privilege... all the night i was thinking about this..

and the feeling at that time was horrible..
wen u cant see any thing .. u hear everything..
that's the position when u stand there .. i heard every tiny sounds.. the man gripping hard to the lever of the hanger to make the kill.. the boots moving .. climbing of steps... the rope was kind of oily or waxy.. i could feel its cold sticky attitude on my neck.. i wanted to say all these to the man who stood back... who cares .. i don't know ,, were there was any body waiting for me outside.. since i refused to see any body .. i was totally unaware of wats going there outside..
in between i cud hear the the sound of the stick hitting the cells bars.. as the police man took his rounds..
i slept for a few min in between with my hands and fingers closed ,.. and sudenly a sound came along with the light..

its my room mate.. "

" YOU HAVE A GUEST" he said to me

" COME OUT YOU ... " police man shouted

i was half asleep .. so just followed orders
i combed my hair with my fingers and rubbed my eyes..

number 89 was was printed on my chest and its my name now a days.

i was amazed to see her parents on the visitors room
they both hated me
i know that very well
but today
their eyes said different emotions
they r not angry
they r sad
may be becoz am alive

her mother had just wiped the tears and its well visible..

" WAT WAS HIS CRIME? " old man asked the police man while pouring some water to the tomatoes..
at first the police man didnt reply.. but his strong eye piercing look made him utter a few..
" he killed a girl and her husband : "..
" who was they " ... this time he was clearing some grass from the bottom and never looked up for making that question
" the girl was his college mate and .. " paused ... " ya .. Renuka" .. "hope you had heard in news
about that.."

"how can i , am not living in a star hotel na" he jus murmured
" why did he ?"

"he was mad!!"
" i dont think so .." touching the green tomatoes .. he replied..

" any how i know that much.. he killed her and her husband .. and was to be dead yesterday.."
every police guy is so familiar with the old and they can resist him.. one will be always there as a guard for this fellow.. old man walked around the garden and kept thinking .. it took only ten minutes to see the boy back and old man waved at him to come ..

with a half hearted he came and sat on a stone near by ..
but the police man was rude enough to make him stand up.. old man ignored the back grounds and directly asked .. " who wanted to see u alive"

" no one" he smiled..
"then who came"
" her father and mother"
he looked at his eyes for a few seconds.. it was all blurred with tears and about to be red due to rubbing..
"who is Renuka" a direct hit again..
the boy just starred at him and was confused to say or not
took a deep breath and said" she was my neighbor.. and my friend or more than that in the college"
" u loved her ?"
" yes"
" so u killed her "
" i didnt "
" ahha ..this is not a hindi film.. that u escape and take revenge and prove innocence" old man was little angry when he said tat
" i am not the hero either" boy was also arrogant
" what the hell.. eat this.." he gave a tomato ..
boy looked at the police man ..
" just eat " old man said.. " he wont take shares from tomato,.."
poor police man.. just moved a bit away and made the area clear for them.. he was annoyed ..
" i didn't kill any body.. i just lost everyone in an hour.. and i don't have to prove that to any one .. no one is left to hear me.. am a looser.. """ his head looked the earth and he pressed hard on to the tomato wen he said that..

" tomatoes are harm less.. u need one more ?" old man got one more ..
" u eat .. am not in a mood "
" look .. do you know who i am.. " old man looked at his eyes firmly
" no.. you never spoke"
" ok.. i dont deal with kids.. but.. you are good .. am not going to ask what happened or why you did .. i will say.. in your destiny it was written .. you will eat tomatos with me .."old man said

" who are you .. at least tell me that" boy was curious..
a smile was born for that question.. " am just an old man... growing tomatoes... and am not called by numbers like u .. because am a real bad man .."

bell rang out and many prisoners started back to form lines..

" now the job will change.. i will be here.. break the rocks hard.. will see at lunch"" old man waved him when he joined a line...


Sunday, November 20, 2011

chapter 3 : NEW FRIENDZ

No one can escape death, i just wrote it on the wall ... and just left my cell
i was asked to take my plates also to the new room, and i looked stupid with my plate and glass .but here in this darkness who cares.
i joined the new room , were i saw an old face , but with a shinning eyes.. he cant be a criminal. ..
he just nodded as i asked for a space to sit... dont know what he was writing,,, but he was a very serious guy.. i felt like asking his crime...

to be frank i was a bit confused.. or it can be said also as fear..

he was having no black in his head and of course he was slim with his skin sagging .. and veins well drawn.. i coughed and as i was about to ask his name - he prompted his name.. VISHAL KRISHNAMOORTHY " nice to see u sir,,. am JOHN ..

he continued to write and i kept on looking at tat for a long time.. and i dont know wen i slept in between...
wen light rushed into the pupil... i saw him standing at the cell door ... i asked him why are you in here... i dont know from where i got the courage... i am not that bold and tough guy...

i killed my wife.... simple answer .. coolest tone... !!

wow!! wife... ??? but why her .. i had moi doubts

sorry he said no answers.. he just smiled at me ..

may be after two mins .. he asked .. married""??

hell no... i said..

why ??

my address changed suddenly to PO box jail... i laughed and said

he did the same ..

so you were about to marry??

no sir..

i WAS a student ..

am just 22 sir...

" i dont know why i kept calling him sir"" even though we are in the same place for same issues...

you missed the rope... right..??

yeahhh ... i missed ..

how was it..??

its really cold.... and dark...

hmmm... he just did that oly... i think in future i will also be like him....

sir why u killed ur wife...???
he looked at me as if am the 100th one to ask ...
we sat oppsite facing each other.. when ever he gave me a strong look.. i cudnt withstand it..
i kept low ..

i just killed her
do u have any problem kid

i nodded to say a no

ok sir you take rest ,.. am not asking ... anything...

ok.. what was ur subject.. he asked me..


did you end up in political drammas ... he asked again...

ya sort of.... i was sad

i did my best... but ended up here.... lost every thing ... may be HE is having some other plans for me... "pointing up "

lets sleep ... he said... and wil talk after this night


Sunday, July 10, 2011


On my way back to room... sorry jail room... i remembered the the dialog that she made " u will get your second chance you lucky ***" dont mind she is my lover.. she said this while we were together.. now somebody didnt allow me to reach her today...

ah... reached my room.. i asked them why they didnt kill me.. one guy just said .. " bastard .. u killed and now u got free from death,,, letter from the president.. see how lucky. ..."...... free!!!!!! i couldnt understand that word.. y did they do this to me... " why me".... ah.....

i sat there in the corner.. may be " God dont want me to be with her"

all alone in this room sucks. any how am not going to die.. i felt the tensions... may be he playing with me...

let me enjoy,,.. all my wall i drew pictures of my imagination

in which some showed dark and some light..

i was actually in a struggle..

i wanted to know why he gave me free release.. .. age?? NO IT CANT BE..

she was beautiful .. i stil regret about the day i made such a decision

we were having a happy life in our campus..

every thing good..

why did that guy came in between..

he became my irritation

coz he was nearing to my girl--

like a lion

i slept

too tired after the death program


( to be cntd)


Its what i felt ... when i was sad ,... in my last moments with a rope on my neck , i asked that question once more..

Why me ?

Am unable to see whats going in between.. who behind me... nothing.. my eyes were covered... but i could hear.. and i heard the sound of silence... may be all others were praying for me even though they were mocking...

i felt as if some body is going to pull me..
i was becoming curious..

then i asked ..


time not yet came sir?"

"shut up and pray....!!!"

guys with hat on the head shouted at me..

oh .. last 60 secs.. priest praying aloud..

i started feeling the death rope ... and the sound of my man behind me.. oh.. really .. my hands started sweating.. wished to ask a pee break... then understood .. tension to die and tension to know exam results are same..

its only the curiosity...

wen u feel the chocking .. all sweat wil be gone.. wished to smoke..

dont know why people behave like this.. at the last moment ... every one will demand too much.. right now also- my real last seconds.. i wanted to smoke - pee... too much.. suddenly some sound i heard .. its time... but i heard a beep too.. murmers.. 60 secs passed .. nothing happened .. still the rope is tre.. hands are tied legs tied.. why are they not killing me... shit..

"oh.. he is really lucky..."

"his fate is good.."

i asked " wats happening" .. i heard the sound nearing to me.. holded moi hands as if untying.. yes he really did tat.. next moi legs.. all free... oly moi eyes left..

and later i saw very clearly all looking at me as if i was the person responsible for the flight miss... ah..